What we can do to enable better mental health in the workplace for parents
There are several key changes associated with parenthood which can negatively impact mental health to include hormone fluctuations, sleep deprivation and sleep issues, adapting to altered responsibilities and priorities and coping with routine changes and time pressures.
These changes impact how our brain functions and in turn shapes our resulting feelings, emotions and behaviours and sometimes our physical health too. In understanding how the brain works you can take steps to reduce the negative impact and instead focus on what you need to be the best version of yourself as a parent, partner, employee and colleague.
So, what can we do to enable better mental health in the workplace for parents?
These changes impact how our brain functions and in turn shapes our resulting feelings, emotions and behaviours and sometimes our physical health too. In understanding how the brain works you can take steps to reduce the negative impact and instead focus on what you need to be the best version of yourself as a parent, partner, employee and colleague.
So, what can we do to enable better mental health in the workplace for parents?
The solution focused model
Focus on what we can do rather than what we can’t. Small steps in the right direction mean that we are not pushing ourselves to a state of overwhelm. Focusing on the problem will not provide us with the solution, as when we worry about all the things that are not the way we want them to be we are usually operating from our negative emotional primitive mind.
With a mental age of about 4 years old, this part of our brain is more likely to throw a tantrum than to come up with an intelligent solution.
When we are operating from our primitive mind we can only react to stress with anxiety, depression or anger or a mix of the 3 as these are great survival responses. Our primitive mind is great in a crisis, but the reality is that when our child takes an hour to get to sleep or when we realise that we have forgotten to get a form signed for school or that our child has just gone through a massive growth spurt and no longer fits into any clothes, these are valid stressors but not a life-threatening situation.
When we are already feeling tired or overwhelmed, focusing on what we haven’t done or what we have failed to do will mean that our primitive mind will respond to them as if you are in an emergency and so will react with anxiety, depression or anger. In that moment, it will feel like a catastrophe! This isn’t helpful as you are using the 4-year-old part of the brain to solve a problem!
Remind yourself of this Solution Focused phrase:
“If it works, do more of it and if it doesn’t work change it”.
When we are feeling stressed and are operating from our primitive mind it will encourage us to use the same behaviours to cope as we did yesterday – as they kept you alive, regardless of how frustrated, upset or guilty they made you feel. If we keep doing things in the same way, we must expect the same outcome. So, what can we do to get out of this rut and start to do things differently.
Our Top Tips for Better Mental Health for Parents in the Workplace
There are many ways in which we naturally release our happy hormones which enable us to feel calmer, more in control and happier. However, there are small actions we can take to intentionally trigger our happy hormones too. We can do this by ensuring we focus on the ‘3 Ps of Positivity’:
1. Positive Thought
When we are tired and stressed, we often lose sight of the things that are going well or are good, as our survival instinct (primitive mind) needs to focus on the potential dangers and problems. However, there are some simple things we can do to increase the positive thoughts that we are having every day.
1. Listening to a relaxation audio each night before bed can help you improve your sleep patterns and if you are woken in the night can also be a tool to help you get back off to sleep.
2. Consider keeping a positivity diary so you can celebrate the wins no matter how small. Taking a few moments at the end of the day to ask yourself ‘what’s been good?’ is so helpful to remind you of those things that are working well and at the same time a positivity diary helps us relive those happy moments for another hit of happy hormones as we write them down.
The content of the ‘what’s been good?’ isn’t important, rather it is the part of the brain we are operating from in order to answer this question that is the key here. It might be that your partner made you a lovely cuppa or a colleague at work thanked you for something you had done, or you noticed how beautiful the sky was when you went out for a quiet stroll over lunchtime.
2. Positive Action
Positive thought often results from positive action and interaction. When we are time-pressured it is easy to sacrifice our own self-care as it is simpler to let ourselves down. When we are feeling overwhelmed and over-scheduled, taking time for ourselves can feel like a luxury that we just don’t have. However, self-care doesn’t have to mean leisurely spa days or long country walks, but it is essential to our wellbeing.
1. Scheduling self-care is a priority, when you put your own needs first, then you have more resources available to support others at home and at work. Any action that you enjoy is a positive action to include:
• Exercise
• Sleep
• Relaxation
• Being in nature and bringing nature into your home.
2. If you like lists, then these can be very helpful too – making the list realistic and do-able makes a difference. Even if you write on the list ‘put the washing away’ or ‘take the dog for a walk’, the action of ticking them off as you achieve them will activate the reward pathways in your brain and give you motivation to get on with the next task.
Just taking time to have a quiet coffee without trying to do 10 things at the same time, taking a mindful shower, reading a few pages of a non-work-related book or ringing a friend can make a huge difference to how we feel and ultimately impacts what we feel we can or cannot do.
3. Positive Interaction
We are a social species and whether we are introverts or extraverts we need to be around others and feel connected.
1. Go for the quick wins – smile consciously, hug your loved one (the human and furry kind) and interact in a way that suits your personality. In other words, if you need time for yourself, don’t avoid opportunities for connection, just factor in a chance for quiet time to recharge your batteries too.
2. In families we mirror each other in order to understand how the other person is feeling. Ultimately, if you are stressed, it is likely that others in your household will be feeling it too. Focusing on your breathing and taking time to relax at your children’s bedtime will help enormously as they will benefit, and in doing this you have managed to find 5-10 minutes of self-care. Remember, the very act of relaxing will lower blood pressure and your stress levels. If your young child is finding it hard to switch off and get to sleep for instance, sitting quietly with them and focusing on your breathing will benefit you and your child. Rather than thinking of all the things you have got to do once your child has got to sleep, remind yourself that this time is an opportunity to relax and when you child gets to sleep (which they will do more quickly if you are relaxed) you will be able to get on with those tasks easily.
If you think you need some help to enable you to get back on track, then we have a wealth of free resources available on our website, including our relaxation downloads and further blogs on sleep and how our brain works.
Would you or your team, benefit from learning more about the impact of sleep on mental wellbeing and resilience?
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